Always with the questions

I do not know if I am pregnant or not. This is a difficult place to be. By the time you are reading this post it will be several weeks old, but if I am pregnant we want to tell my family in person. Which we will be able to do next weekend, when we go home to see my brother on his mid-tour leave. So for that reason you will not be able to read this until I either know without a doubt that I am not pregnant, or I have had a chance to tell my family. But I guess for all of this to make sense I need to back up a little bit.

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I wrote that yesterday. You are reading this today. Guess what that means? I guess now I do need to tell you the whole story...

At the end of last March I wrote on this blog that Don-e and I were going to start trying to get pregnant. At that time it was more that we were no longer trying to not get pregnant. Or, we were playing soccer without a goalie as I heard it so eloquently put once. Then, the last day of July Don-e got sick. We never starting using birth control again, but our focus was turned to fixing our life and Don-e's health. But by about Halloween I had the itch again so I started paying closer attention to the calendar and making sure we were timing things right. In December we got pregnant but lost it barely two weeks into it. In January I went in and had some testing done. Everything came back normal. In the follow up appointment with my doctor after the testing she came to the conclusion that it is very likely that there was nothing wrong with our trying before Don-e got sick. Nothing happening in 4 months is considered normal, especially when coming off birth control. She does think that it is very likely that all of the medications that Don-e was given during his stay in the ICU could have caused him to have a tainted and poor sperm supply, thus causing our problem since then. Apparently the male reproductive system only regenerates every 72 days, so with that time frame Don-e would only now be regenerating a new supply since the last time he took the hard-core meds they had him on. She said we should try with ovulation testing for three months and then if nothing has happened we could discuss the possibility of more testing.

I got a positive pregnancy test on Monday. I have gotten two negatives and have started bleeding since then. It is clumpy and painful like the mis-carriage I had in December. I don't know what to think. I have always had very easy, painless cycles. Always started the same time of day, 28 days from the last time. Completely done in five days. Now, I do know that as they age some women have experienced a change in the normalcy of their cycles. Maybe mine are changing. Maybe that is what this month means. I know I was pregnant in December. This time I am not sure if I was, or we just got a faulty test. Right now I am waiting to hear back from our doctor. Hopefully she can shine some light on this mess.