Memories

Lately I have been compelled to get back on here and start writing again. Life and sickness have prevented it, but I've really been wanting to push myself into pulling something out of myself creatively, for me. I'm sadden to admit that when I sit down to think about what I want to say I find that it is nothing. Life right now is so so hard for us and I am falling victim to the despair of it all. I don't want to look back on this time and remember. I don't want to even acknowledge it now. And that is so so sad to me because I should be feeling so much joy. I'm not saying that nothing should be wrong for me, and that my life should be perfect, but rather I should be better about focusing on the joy that is in this life, not the hardship. I am pregnant with a much loved and fought for baby. My husband is alive and in good health. My son is healthy and growing and becoming an amazing little person. I got to eat dinner tonight until I was full and will get to lay my head down on a pillow in a warm and dry house. I am blessed. I just need to remember it.