Endings just signify a new beginning....

Cycle Day 14- Should be ovulating....

Don-e and I have decided that if we do not get pregnant this month we are going to back-off from trying. We will not stop, but we will no longer track and time and plan and keep ourselves (myself) from doing things that might hurt a possible baby if I manage to actually get knocked up. I do not like who this whole process has made me become. I am not a worrier, I am not a stresser-outer. But trying to conceive has made me both of those things. I am not an overly emotional person but have become one. I still want a baby. I still want to give Elijah a sibling. But not at the expense of these precious months of my son's life. Not at the expense of my overall wellbeing. This month we have done everything we can to help the process along. We will again this weekend rival a pair of springtime rabbits. And then for two weeks more I will wait and hope and pray. And then in two more weeks if it has not worked I am picking up where I left off. I will start aggressively workout again, for me, without thinking about the 'what-ifs' and the 'could-bes'. If I want to have a beer with some friends I will, without convincing myself that I can't because it might stay in my system for the next week and kill my poor, unsuspecting egg. And I will whole-heartedly enjoy the son that I do have. Without the thought that he will be the only time I got to be pregnant, the only time to smell my own newborn but rather with the acknowledgment of the blessing that I have in every day of his life.